dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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