I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
