Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
