I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
