just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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