sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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