Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
