how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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