Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just had sex on a roof
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
