First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
