Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
