you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
