Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
