he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize