I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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