Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
