I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
