There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
