After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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