How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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