chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
