i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
