I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
