Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
