where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
