Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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