I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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