I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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