before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm always down for nudity.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
