It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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