We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
