morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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