My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
