haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
