she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
