I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
