You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dignity is for republicans.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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