he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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