I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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