a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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