Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
