Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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