Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
