So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
