would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
