Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
