i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
