Betty ford says i'm here all night
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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