i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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