just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
