That reminds me...we need to get swords
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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