Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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